What Causes Divorce?

Ever wonder why married couples, who have sworn to spend the rest of their lives together, grow apart? Well, a plethora of reasons, based on evidence, have been given as causes of divorce among married couples. Here, we’ll provide a rundown of these causes focusing on the major ones. If needed, contact Peek Family Law for a divorce attorney. Tips on how to prevail over these identified reasons for divorce will be given to help those currently married or planning to keep that vow of “till death do us part”.

Major Causes of Divorce

Several issues or challenges in marriage are identified (by various divorcees) as reasons that lead to separation. Here’s a quick list of the most common causes:

• Lack of commitment
• Infidelity
• Growing apart or incompatibility
• Poor communication
• Money disagreements (financial incompatibility)
• Domestic violence
• Substance abuse
• Lack of trust

1. Lack of Commitment: 

In its simplest form, marriage can be described as a commitment between two individuals who share similar feelings and believe they can remain connected in the long term. This makes it obvious that when commitment is absent in any marital union, separation is bound to occur. Lack of commitment may seem vague or difficult for divorcing partners to prove or disprove. However, it is often an underlying factor that leads to more obvious causes of separation, such as extramarital affairs and poor communication. This is why it occupies the number one spot as the most significant cause of divorce. This also means that commitment is crucial to the success of any marriage. So if you get it right, you have an added advantage. Get it wrong, and you know what can happen. To remain committed, the key is putting your partner first. This sounds simple, but it demands placing the needs and demands of your partner above yours, an act that some can do for a while but not for long. Both partners need to continuously remain committed to their marriage by sacrificing selfish desires for collective goals.

1. Infidelity: 

A high percentage of divorced individuals point to infidelity as one primary reason they left their partners. They could not find themselves forgiving their partner for cheating. Some other divorced persons may consider an extramarital affair the last straw accompanying other problems in the marriage. Other issues might push one, or in some cases, both partners, to seek satisfaction, audience, intimacy, distraction, or some measure of excitement outside the marriage. Whatever the reason, the way out is for partners to make the marriage have all they need. While this may be easier said than done, cheating is a sour fruit that soils the entire tree, so it should be avoided at all costs.

1. Growing Apart or Incompatibility: 

How often have we heard divorced people making statements like, “we grew apart” or “we are no longer compatible” when asked why their marriages broke down? While several couples may claim to enjoy having partners that are fundamentally different from them, they forget that successful marriages are built on shared or similar values, interests, priorities, and even dreams. In some cases, incompatibility can be blamed on issues such as marrying too young (a significant contributor to growing apart), religious or moral differences, lack of shared ambitions or goals, and sexual difficulties.

1. Poor Communication: 

Married partners experiencing communication problems usually end up being divorced. Not being able to talk to each other and arguing frequently are two signs of poor communication in any marriage. Poor communication often leads to outward signs such as conflict over previous agreements, financial decisions, and family responsibilities. It’s not hard for partners to realise that they disagree frequently. Even if arguments are not frequent or loud, pay close attention to repeated disagreements over a particular issue that keeps coming up. This is usually a sign that either or both partners have poor communication abilities. This should be prevailed by seeking professional help, like family therapy, not ending the marriage.

1. Money Disagreements (Financial Incompatibility): 

Disagreements over the handling of the financial resources in the home are another valid reason for the increasing rate of divorce around the world. Money problems are usually termed “financial incompatibility” because it arises from differences in approaches, values, or priorities when making financial decisions. Financial incompatibility is generally apparent from the following signs:

• When one or both partners hide or lie about making self-financial decisions such as purchases, investments, or withdrawing money from a shared savings account.
• When either partner frequently defaults on agreed financial decisions like budgets, fixed purchases, and savings.
• The inability of partners to set and meet financial goals.

While studies show that low-income couples usually cite money problems as fuel for divorce, financial incompatibility occurs in marriages across different income levels. To deal with this issue, partners should make collective financial decisions and strive to implement them. Honesty is also necessary. 

1. Domestic Violence:

Several studies point to domestic violence as a fundamental reason for divorce. Domestic abuse can either be verbal, emotional, or physical abuse inflicted by one partner on another. While women and men may have different views concerning domestic violence, the fact remains that it has led several partners to cut their marriages short. In any case of domestic violence, you should seek to protect yourself from harm and get help as soon as possible. 

1.  Substance Abuse: 

Drinking and drug problems can cause one partner to leave the other. Substance abuse is noticeable when your partner shows changes in appetite and hygiene, exhibits secret behaviour, has sudden mood swings, displays personality changes, and experiences difficulties with memory.

1. Lack of Trust

Trust is a vital tool in everything we do as humans; it is the bedrock of our relationships. An absence of trust in a relationship will eventually eliminate any possibility of continued joy and contentment between a couple.  

When there is no trust in a relationship, that relationship is most likely to fail in no time, which might eventually result in a divorce. This is why couples should open up to themselves, communicate honestly, and fully invest in their relationship. Apologies must be made and promises kept as well. 

For the Most Part

While there are several reasons people give for leaving their marriages, the above list covers the most frequent reasons. Also, what causes divorce is often not one single factor but a combination of different challenges which make married life unbearable for the partner(s). We conclude here that the success of any boils down to three crucial factors, commitment, communication, and satisfaction. In the case that any one of these factors is lacking, the marriage may be heading back to the law court.